Easing Death

    I found the study on the relation between death and humor very interesting. Death is probably up there for the biggest fear of every human being. I think it’s funny that we fear this one certainty and truth of life, which is death. The only thing we know for sure as humans on earth is death, yet we fear it the most. I think in most the thing we fear is the unknown that comes after death. That is why I found specifically the section of reframing death type of humor interesting. I think a lot of times that is what we are doing with death, through humor or not. Like the common phrase, “he/she is in a better place now.” We act like we know for a fact (which we don’t) that after death one is in a much better place. I think collectively as humans we do this in order to ease grieving and ease the fear of death.

    Another section I found interesting was the use of pets in this study and how they were used to convey humor. They would put attention on pets and communicate through them in order to ease the conversation, “For example, a young man tried to soothe his dog when the dog started whining during the dinner conversation: “[Dog whining] Thunder says, ‘I don’t like thinking about that shit!’” [laughter]. Participants often relieved tension by laughing after a dog barked during silence” (5). I found this use of pets by the participants very interesting and unexpected. Yet after reading and reflecting I realized a lot of people do this with pets, including me. My boyfriend has a dog, and sometimes I’ll be petting him and be like, “wow your dad is being really mean today right buddy?!” I do it because I say what I want to say, but I don’t actually have to confront him directly about it. I feel like the use of pets and talking through them allows humans to say what they want without really having to confront it, it’s a way to speak your feelings by simultaneously hiding behind them, kind of like humor is used.

 

    The use of humor in death is doing the same job. It eases grief, it allows one to process how death however they would like. One of my best friend’s mother passed away freshman year. She would come sleep in my roommate and I’s room as we were her best friends. I feel like me and my roommate played different roles in her healing process. My roommate would be serious with her, while I would not. I would joke with her and give her a distraction, entertainment to forget the pain she was feeling. My roommate would act more as her therapist, talk to her seriously and make her expose her internal pain in order to try to heal. Honestly, I think one needs both of these sides in order to fully grieve and heal in terms of death. Just as Kalman sits on the fine line between the little, whimsical fruit platters and the big, sad, historical events, I think grief needs to sit a fine line between humor and seriousness. We can’t just joke our way through death because we would not be able to fully heal as we would only simply be hiding and running from our pain in jokes. But we also need humor to realize that it will be okay, life will move on, and death is inevitable. A large part of the humor I use in relation to death which I was shocked not to see in the study was nostalgic humor. The funny stories told about the deceased in order to help cope and feel closer to them again. My friend whose mom passed away always tells me funny stories, she told me that her mom once accidentally posted her social security number of Facebook, and that she also accidentally misspelled her sister's name on her birth certificate. I still laugh at loud at those stories, even as I type it, and my friend does too. The nostalgic humor allows one to feel close with the deceased once again, it makes death more approachable and less daunting.